Yes ladies and Gentlemen i am feeling quite generous today, i have decided, very openly to donate fat! Yes fat, my own fat 100% Egyptian meat, matured for 19 years on the best quality food around...
Okie i know it sounds really odd, but keep reading, i make absolute sense here!
Alas, a revelation, i can provide people who are less fortunate then myself, ie . REALLY SKINNY! or just thin, with some good quality fat. it will fill up thier jeans and give them a social life, let them go to the gym etc.
And i will have a policy agreement ofcourse, that they should have the fat for 12 months if they should see to it to return it, ie. my return policy. In the clauses as well they would have to attend a gym for 6 months and follow a strict 1,250 calorie per day diet.
Therefore, by the time that they might consider returning it, they would have lost the fat anyway...Intelligent yes..Cunning...hmmm..u decide! :P
So here comes the list, a few people that i would love to donate fat to:
1.
Paris Hilton.
Rather than looking like a over fried chicken, she would look like an overfried duck. Maybe it would also start her a career in plus size modeling..
2.
The Aneroxic Carpenter lead singer, God bless her soul.If she could have just waited a few more years, i would have saved her!
3.
Healthy Chick in my steps class.Honestly, i dont understand why the hell she puts herself through the pain of Steps class twice a week?! and her body is great! I swear it! I just look at her and turn green with envy, and admiration of course, im aiming for that figure.
4.
Angelina Jolie.
She mentioned that she didnt have any meat around her; Butt, legs, arms...
Angy... i am more than happy to donate any amount into all these areas, provided ofcourse that you donate some breast and lips to me, we know too much it too much, be generous, give some away to the less fortunate.
5.
My brother.If you had a look at his legs you'd understand what i mean. i think i was born with his share of fat.
Nuff Said.
6.
Girl in my school whom i deteste, but actually pity now.
I would be glad to show her who the better woman is and give her some of my fat, might make her a better person with her having my happy fat flowing inside her veins.
7. The actor from the "New Guy" movie, you see, this guy, he is lovely, but just too skinny. I think if i donate some fat to him, he may burn it into muscle. I dont think its possible yet, but any new aspiring scientist, i said it first!
5.
Starving people in Africa.
Realisation for my good friend "F", who said we should donate some fat to the starving people in Africa.
Not only would we be losing fat, but also a sort of "Zakat".
6.
Jennifer Aniston, the closer the Friend's episodes came to a finish, the more weight she loses and loses! the show is over now, has she decreased ionto a a pencil woman sketch, honestly, she is a frame with no picture. No wonder Brad Pitt left her.
7.
Brad Pitt.
(I dont want to donate fat to him, i just wanted to say his name) Sigh
8.
Kangy.
This guy here in the College. He is in dire need of some blubber.
9.
Anna Nicole-Smith.
She's easier to laugh at and pity when she's fat.
10
Uma Thurman.
i can give her fat she can give me some kung fu tricks.
11.
Hannibal Lecter.
Wel if he wants some good lard for cooking human flesh, mine will give it that extra egyptian flavour. (imagine if all people of the world donated fat, what amazing flavours they will bring! imagine Indian flavoured lard!)
12.Kiera Knightly
She just has no bloody flesh on her, she can use some fat in all the right places.
Did you see her outfit in "King Arthur" she was easily wrapped in ribbons.
Hmmm..i cant think of anyone else at the moment, but i also suggest i open a sort of "Fat Bank" . I think it would have no disadvantages really, people who have fat can lose it healthily and for a good purpose, and the people who need fat can find it easily without having to go through grueling diets etc!
What do you think?
Any body else you would like to add to my list please add them on!
